In honor of my monster-in-law's recent 5.... yes I said 5 fracking day visit, I am putting together this handy list. Here are the absolute, fully proven and tested, ways to tick me off in a matter of seconds!
* Yes... these happened... most in the same day.... hell, some were even in the same HOUR!!*
- Go into my kitchen for a drink, open the fridge and spend the next 10 minutes staring at the 10 different forms of beverages I so nicely made sure were stocked just for your visit... during 80 degree weather, in a super hot apartment... go ahead and ignore that I pay for that electricity you are wasting so freely. THEN... close the fridge, grab one of the 2 liters I have set aside for the future and just help yourself.... again, disregard the already open beverages in the fridge... pour a glass and add some ice...THEN .... turn to me and ask if its OK if you open this bottle of soda.
- When you are preparing for your visit and tell us you want to see the sights when you come, don't bother looking them up online.. cuz you know, we just LOVE planning your trip for you. We will ask you if you want to see this or that, feel free to respond with " oh.... Whatever you want to see is fine"... BUT when you get here and we tell you the times we need to head to each place, do get up an hour before us and just sit there. Don't worry, we won't mind if you decide to finally get ready to go 5 minutes before we need to catch the bus. .. everyone must love to be late for things just like you....
- You need to plug in your laptop? Well go right ahead and unplug anything you like! I really don't mind if my laptop is dead or my cell phone isn't charged. Its not like I need either of those things at all!
- Go right ahead and use the washing machine. Completely disregard the green settings and use the super hot water on large load settings, for your tiny amount of clothes.... Honestly, the environment doesn't care and neither do we... our water bill can totally take the spike
- You want something to eat? Go through all my cupboards and open a few things. Its really no biggie to me to have a ton of spoiled food because too many things are open at once and won't get eaten in time. Oh and.... go ahead and listen to me tell my 13 year old to only have 1 cereal box open at a time... then go open the 2 others because you open one and don't like it, but the other might be better. My kid can totally eat all three boxes after you leave, before they go bad. Really.
- If you have a question or need something, just stand in the middle of the living room, spin in circles, looking confused, with 3 of us in the same room with you waiting for you to simply use your words..... for 30 minutes. Then go sit on the couch, sighing loudly for the next 20 minutes. We are all mind readers in this house, we just know your needs or wants, with a 30 minute delay!
- After being told that when the window is open, you have to hold the front door to close it or it will slam, hard.... go ahead and let it slam EVERY time you go in or out. Our neighbors don't care, even at 1 am! Oh and go ahead and lock the door behind me when I go downstairs for 5 minutes to check the mail. I just love having to dig out my keys when I come back up... really, its no bother.
- When we let you pick the movie, please feel free to complain for hours, after we watch your choice and its too violent for you. We did warn you several times, but we don't mind whining, its our most favorite way of communication ever!
* Special note: also, when I say something to you about it and you say " Oh, I didn't know..." Keep in mind I will admonish you like a child. I have a kid who I don't get to talk to like a child, I miss it, so as you will act like a 5 year old, I'm all too happy to treat you like one*
This list is some of MANY incidents that occurred these last 5 days..... The monster leaves tomorrow morning... THANK THE GODS!!!
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